"Well… that’s not ALL I do."
(In response to "...POUNCE on people when they make a mistake.")

and

"I’ll send you my address. Can I just send a self-addressed stamped envelope, or will I have to send you the full $2.10 to ship and insure the check?"

You are definitely one of the funniest people on this board. I could never call you lugubrious. Moderately loquacious? maybe...