.
.
An oldie...

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy...
You might be a Liberal if…

~ you break out in a cold sweat at the mention of the Constitution.

~ you own something that says “Dukakis for President” and still display it.

~ you believe the Constitution is living but unborn babies aren’t.

~ you’ve never been mugged.

~ you believe that a democrat freed the slaves and a republican created the KKK.

~ you are only tolerant of people as long as they totally agree with you.

~ you think the Free Market is where they hand out Government cheese.

~ you have earrings in places that don’t have lobes.

~ you know at least one “vegan.”

if you think Benghazi is an Italian sports car maker.

~ you think that Supply Side Economics refers to your dope dealer’s stash.

~ you think “integrity” is a new foreign car model.

~ you still believe in Tinkerbell, the Tooth Fairy and Ted Kennedy.

~ you’ve ever tried to protect the ozone layer.

~ you love the spotted owl but have never seen one.

~ you think occupy Wall Street protesters are sane but Tea Partiers are nuts.

~ you can’t articulate one single word without a teleprompter.

~ you think the only absolute in life is vodka.

after looking at your pay stub you can still say, “America is under-taxed.”

~ you’ve stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals.

~ you pay 185% mark-up for organically grown food.

~ you abhor censorship unless it’s censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western
culture or Rush Limbaugh.

~ you would vote for Jimmy Carter for president again because he’s done such a
good job running Habitat for Humanity.

~ you think having a picture of Jesus on school property is dangerous, but having
a condom machine is not.

~ you regard luxury cars as personal excess but spend $1100 for a bike and $400
for a cappuccino machine.

~ you believe Oprah should have been Obama’s running mate.

~ you think the phrase “separation of Church and State” is in the constitution.

~ you think “ethics” is an eastern European country.

~ you think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community.

~ you support PETA and Green Peace, but still eat beef, fish, lamb, and wear fur
and leather garments.

~ you respond to the “paper or plastic?” question with, “It doesn’t matter. I’m
bi-sacksual.”

~ your innermost fear is that there might be an omniscient superior being other
than yourself.

~ you want to protest something but don’t know what.

~ you do all of your grocery shopping on the 4th of each month.

~ you never told a child that Oscar the Grouch “lives in a trash can” because he
chooses to do so.

~ you think denial is a virtue.

~ you are a hypocritical Catholic who votes for a baby exterminator every four years.

~ you believe that watching “Will and Grace” re-runs makes you a defender of
gay rights.

~ you despise the rich even though they pay your share of the taxes.

~ you get your news from MTV.

~ you think it’s wrong that “food stamps” can not be used for cigarettes, lottery tickets,
and beer.

~ you gave a Kenyan-born socialist an unlimited credit card and power over foreign relations.

~ you think Monica Lewinsky was a slut who threw herself at Wild Bill.

~ you believe that no teenager in the world is still a virgin, and that the very idea of virginity
is somewhere between quaint and absurd.

~ you believe that Tolerance is the highest virtue, and that any expression of disagreement
with your views of tolerance should be declared a “hate crime.”

~ you would rather have a free phone than a job.

~ you laugh at your redneck neighbor’s car on blocks while you continue to ride the bus.