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From the files of the very sagacious El Lobo Reservado, on the subject
of health...

Handy And Useful Health Tips.

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is
this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on
exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make
you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.
Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they
take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.
Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If
you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more
vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be
doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best
feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have
had about food and diets.

And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming:
"WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND...

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition
and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional
studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
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