.
.
Abie, a somewhat shy and retiring gentleman who lives a bit southwest, sent
this one on the subject of being Jewish or not...

You don' t have to be Jewish...

A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi and asks, “Yankele and Yosele are both
in love with me; who will be the lucky one?”
The wise old Rabbi answers, “Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in a park and expresses an opinion without
anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My father says, “Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.”
I said, “Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I’m a schmuck?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jewish Marriage advice: “Don’t marry a beautiful person. They may leave you. Of
course, an ugly person may leave you too... But who cares?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Italian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have wine."
The Frenchman says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have cognac."
The Russian says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have vodka."
The German says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have beer."
The Mexican says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have tequila."
The Jew says, "I'm tired and thirsty. I must have diabetes.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget
what she forgave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Jewish congregation in suburban Toronto honors its Rabbi for
25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.
When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful naked woman lying
on the bed.

She greets the Rabbi with, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the
President of the shul arranged for you.”

The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the temple
and shouts, “Greenblatt, what were you thinking? Where is your respect? I am
the moral leader of our religious community! I am very angry with you and you
have not heard the end of this.”

Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.

The Rabbi turns to her and asks, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.

.
.