Huck Finn, a truly perceptive gentleman from the midwest, sent this one about
comments made by officers of the law...

Actual comments made by Police Officers

The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? OK, I'm warning you not to do that
again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk
or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

12. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

13. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

14. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

And the winner is...

15. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't...
sign here."