> These are from a book called Disorder in the American
> Courts, and are things people actually said in
> court, word for word, taken down and now
> published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
> calm while these exchanges were actually taking
> place.

> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
> morning?
> WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I,
> Cathy?'
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you se(x)ually active?
> WITNESS: No , I just lie there.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect
> your memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget..
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an
> example of something you forgot?
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo?
> WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do..
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a
> person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it
> until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
> ____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how
> old is he?
> WITNESS: He's 20 , much like
> your IQ.
> ___________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shltting me?
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> 0AWITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I
> need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death..
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and
> had a beard
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town
> I'm going with male.
> _____________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
> pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
> attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> ______________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have
> you performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put
> up too much of a fight.
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What
> school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral...
> _________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined
> the body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
> PM
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I
> finished.
> ____________________________________________
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that
> question?
> ______________________________________
>
> And last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
> did you check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No..
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient
> was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting
> on my desk in a jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still
> been alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he
> could have been alive and practicing
> law.