Have you ever noticed how groups of lions tend to move on just before autumn?
Of course; pride goeth before the fall.

If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?

Be careful when playing under the anvil tree!

Be different: conform.

Be kind to animals... Take your Boss to lunch...

A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 3:00 am.

A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.

What did the horse say when it finished eating its hay?
That's the last straw. (Stephen Wright)

And then there was the Frenchman who bought up the world supply of dried soup and became a bouillonaire. (Stan Kegel)

Mercedes Smith was the first deep sea diver to come up too fast and when she got sick, it was called the Mercedes Bends. (Jeremy E. Alperin)

A cathedral was damaged by weapons of mass destruction. (Mike Bull)

Why did the bird go to the Doctor?
To get a tweetment. (The Philadelphia Oracle)

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.

What is the difference between mass and weight?
Mass is where Catholics go on Sundays. Weight is where sundaes go on Catholics.

The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

The worst thing about censorship is #@*%&$.

The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

There is always a way, and it is usually mined.

There is always one more SOB than you counted on.

Those who believe in telekinesis raise my hands.

Why didn't the dendrochronologist get married?
All he ever dated was trees!

The best argument for logic is stupidity.

The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut.

The earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can.

The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only heavier.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

What time of the day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.

Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
At the chopping mall.

When is a hat not a hat?
When it becomes a girl.

What happens if you eat a hot frog?
You'll croak in no time!