.
.
Lottie, a rather adventuresome lady from out west, sent me this one about kosher computers...
.
.
In case you didn't know, you can now purchase kosher computers! They are made in Israel by company called DELL-SHALOM. The price is low, even with the shipping from Israel.

However, before you purchase a kosher computer of your own, you should know that there are some important changes from the typical non-kosher computer you are accustomed to, such as the 19 listed below.

1. The "Start" button has been replaced with the "Let's go already! I'm not getting any younger!" button.

2. You will hear "Havah Nigelha" during startup.

3. The cursor moves from right to left.

4. When Spell-checker finds an error it prompts, "Is this the best you can do?"

5. When you look at erotic images, the computer says, "If your mother knew you did this, she would die."

6. It comes with a "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz that advertises it gets rid of all the "schmutz und drek."

7. When running "Scan Disk" it prompts you with a "You want I should fix this?" message.

8. After 20 minutes of no activity, the PC goes "Schloffen."

9. The PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.

10. It comes with two hard drives - one for fleyshedik (business software) and one for milchedik (games).

11. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, the PC now gets "Farklempt."

12. The multimedia player has been renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" corner.

13. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, a little byte of that."

14. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already! You're killing me! You want I should try it again? I didn't hear that!"

15. When the PC is working too hard, you will hear a loud "Oy Gevalt!"

16. Computer viruses can now be cured with matzo ball soup.

17. When disconnecting external devices from the back of the PC, you will be instructed to "Remove the cable from the PC's tuchus."

18. After the computer dies, you have to dispose of it within 24 hours.

19. But BEST of all, if you have a kosher computer, you cannot and will not get Spam!
.
.