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I received versions of this one from both Abie, a rather shy, retiring gentleman who lives southeast and from Blue Diamond, a witty gentleman who lives at the base of a mountain out west...

Defense Attorney: "Will you please state your age?"

Little Old Lady: "I am 86 years old."

Defense Attorney: "Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?"

Little Old Lady: "There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me."

Defense Attorney: "Did you know him?"

Little Old Lady: "No, but he sure was friendly."

Defense Attorney: "What happened after he sat down?"

Little Old Lady: "He started to rub my thigh."

Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him?"

Little Old Lady: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: "Why not?"

Little Old Lady: "Truth be told, it felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago."

Defense Attorney: "What happened next?"

Little Old Lady: "He began to rub my breasts."

Defense Attorney: "Did you stop him then?"

Little Old Lady: "No, I did not stop him."

Defense Attorney: "Why not?"

Little Old Lady: "His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!"

Defense Attorney: "What happened next?"

Little Old Lady: "Well, by then, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and told him Take me, young man. Take me now!"

Defense Attorney: "Did he take you?"

Little Old Lady: "Hell no! He just yelled, April Fool! And that's when I shot the little b@stard."