Dear Julie and Ron,

First off...let me say I love Toledo! Toledo is in the far northwest corner of the state. I'm not in the Snow Belt per se, but just short two hours west Cleveland, which sure IS!! You've seen the weather in Buffalo, NY?? Well, it's about the same in Cleveland, so I'm sure you'll LOVE IT!! Sure the prices are a little cheaper in Ohio for real estate, please don't worry about that whole "LOCATION" concept.

Even here in Toledo, forget about the fact that winters are long, hard and ugly. The skies are cloudy the majority of the time. The trees are barren and the cold and wind cut right to your bones. Shoveling snow, driving in the snow, the dirty winter salt on your cars, your streets, your shoes!! As if that weren't enough, there's always the hail storms, ice storms, and artic Canadian "Nor-Easters" It's kind of like the fun times of camping when your power goes out due to the heavy snow and ice taking down the power lines. No big deal, because the Edison Company will surely get your power back on within 3-4 days.

Unlike the west where it's dry all of the time and no salting of the roads; we here in Ohio don't drive the same cars year after year. No sir, not us. We replace our cars every couple of years. So the rapid rusting from the salt and humidity is a good thing. That is if you can keep your car long enough by not crashing during the heavy winter snows. We won't discuss being hit by other drivers during the snow storms because they have full coverage by their car insurance(usually).

But fear not: winter only lasts 7 months. We have one other season: Orange Barrel season!! Because of all of the freezing-thawing-freezing-thawing, we have the worst roads around (with the exception of Michigan). It's due to what's called "frost heaves". Potholes everywhere, and huge raised asphalt lines in the roads help to make driving an adventure.

In Ohio, it's a constant battle to keep the roads drivable. This presents a really fun time in driving. Trying to avoid the other cars and yellow vested road workers is a blast. It's also fun to see how close the big rigs can get to you without actually sideswipping you or driving you into the barrels and carrening out of control into the ditch. The bad roads aren't really a problem here in Ohio really because our high tax dollars (I’m sure you've heard of real estate and sales taxes, right?) go right into the roads. Ok, sure, maybe we have to siphon some extra funds from the schools, but hey-kids learn plenty from watching TV anyways.

Then we have Spring, there's a new thing for you to consider: RAIN ! Days and days and days of rain. Rain isn't so bad because it helps to make things green. Our days of spring rains lead to trees with leaves, the plants flower and the grass grows. Yes, you've seen it on TV: lawns with GRASS! Very pretty indeed. Well...at least until you have to start using a contraption called a "Lawn Mower" twice a week. Then of course there's the weeding, the edging, and the use of a spray to keep the grass and weeds from growing between the cracks in your driveway and sidewalks.

Now, back to the weather. Ok, I was exaggerating a little. We actually have a good solid week of nice weather in the fall and in the spring. Well not actually a whole week all at once.

Summer here is usually very, very muggy, but the constant sweating helps to clean out the impurities from our polluted bodies. So, once again, that's a good thing. It's not that the Nuclear power plants and chemical factories actually put that many toxins into the air and water. It's more like the Mercury from the lake and the growth hormones in the Chicken and meat products that we eat. Oh wait, maybe it was from the pesticides used in the fields. Oh, who cares anyways, it tastes great! So the sweating is a good thing. Here in Ohio, we don't have that whole stupid "It's Dry Heat" thing. So that's a plus. You're probably really tired of that old saying by now anyway.

Summer also brings on excitement! Yes...the thrill that sweeps over you as you hear the emergency sirens kick in during the ever-popular tornado season! It gives us some quality time as we huddle close, shaking in fear together in the basement listening to our transistor radios. So again; it’s a very good thing for helping to strengthen our families and nurture a feeling of closeness.

Ok, lets leave the weather aside for a moment. Ohio has some very redeeming qualities like lots of pretty birds. The pretty birds are a joy to behold as they fly and soar through the air....right before they poop on your car which you just finished washing! Many of the birds are quite useful. They help to eat some of the TRILLIONS of mosquitoes! Mosquitoes aren't nearly as bad as you might have heard. Here, they help with population control when they carry off small children into the night.

Another redeeming quality of Ohio are the lovely plants and flowers. Beautiful to look at indeed! They're definitely worth all the effort you put into the purchasing and use of miracle grow fertilizer, bloom boosters, and bi-weekly pesticides to help control the thousands of various destructive insects such as aphids, Japanese beetles, leave miners, grasshoppers, spider mites, and slugs. Oh, yes, you'll love the slugs! There's nothing like the feeling of walking barefoot across your lawn as you feel them squish between your toes in the mornings and evenings. After all, you don't want to have ugly folage which might not be as appealing to the heards of wild rabbits which roam freely looking to devour every expensive flower and plant that they can get their teeth on.

At least you don't have to worry about keeping the expensive plants trimmed all the time year after year. That's because so many of the plants never make it through the winter past the sub zero temperatures. But I digress. We were talking about the other seasons.

Which takes us to the wonderful season of autumn! A time to get your nice collection of sweaters out of the 25 tupperware storage containers and put your summer clothes away. Let's face it, wearing your summer clothes for more then 2 months is so boring. So we pull out of sweaters and after going through them and throwing half of them out because of being eaten by moths, we can buy more new clothes!! Yes, a favorite pastime in Ohio. Four seasons worth of clothes! It keeps us in tip-top shape packing and unpacking them and sorting through our closets. Fall is also the fun time of winter proofing our homes. Putting up the plastic film over the windows, and the burlap wind guard around the plants and bushes helps to keep us fit and trim. Not that being fit and trim will last long once we go into our 7-month winter hibernation. But alas, I digress once more.

Autumn is also a joyous time to stop and smell the air. The sweet smell of leaves burning! YUM! With a little luck this year, we won't have our shed burn down again. The sweet-sweet smell of leaves burning is always the reward after four weeks of raking and using the power leaf blower! Nights then are spent relaxing with a cocktail and a heating pad as you are nearly crippled with back pain from that lugging that damned twenty pound leaf blower around all day.Boy that’s a fun time.

There's always a bit of sadness when the leaves are all gathered and piles up and burned. That is if you live in an area that hasn't outlawed the burning of leaves. I hear that there are a few areas in the state where you can still burn your leaves. Unfortunately, those areas are only inhabited by wolverines, badgers and a stray deer. But no big deal: that’s why they make those giant, million gallon capacity, 3-mil thick Hefty leaf bags. So plan on spending 10 -20 hours bagging those leaves when you’re finally finished the raking and blowing. That’s time well spent keeping you away from that darned football game on television.

Oh, but the feeling of accomplishment you get when your lawn and gardens are all cleaned up. You’ll feel blessed with that wonderful feeling for at least a day or two before all of the leaves blow into your yard because the stupid inconsiderate neighbors didn't do their leaves again this year!!

Autumn also allows us the ability to get our fireplaces tuned up again. There's nothing like sitting by the fire on a cool autumn evening with a glass of Merlot and a few good friends. The joking and laughing...as you watch the dog running across the living room with his tail on fire. Oh, good times...good times!

Anyways, we in Ohio are eagerly waiting for your company. Glad to have you neighbor!!