You trim your beard and find a French fry.
You use a piece of bread as a napkin.

You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and underwear.

Your birth announcements included the words "rug rat".

Your car alarm eats dog food.

Your car burns more oil than gas.

Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.

Your horse can count higher than you.

Your idea of cleaning is throwing everything in the back yard.

Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling center.

Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.

Your underwear doubles as swimming trunks.

Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

You've ever hit a deer with your car... deliberately.

You view duct tape as a long-term investment.

You've ever done your Christmas shopping at a truck stop.

You have to take the entire day off to get your teeth cleaned.

You've ever lost your wife in a poker game.

You bought a VCR to record Rasslin' while you're at work.

Red Man chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

You've ever stolen a bulldozer.

All of your four-letter words are two syllables.

You cut your toenails in front of company.

You've ever been too drunk to fish.

You think women are turned on by animal sounds.

You think women are turned on by tongue gestures.

You have to dress the kids up to go to Wal*Mart.

You grow a beard because hey, it looks good on your sister.

You've ever been blacklisted from a bowling alley.

You know how many bales of hay your car can hold.

You made a hot tub with a trolling motor.

You have a tattoo that says "Mother" and its spelled wrong.

Your satellite dish payments delays buying back-to-school clothes for the kids.

Your sister's child looks just like you.

You've ever given rat traps as a gift.

Your stereo speakers used to belong to the drive-in theater.

The Home Shopping Club operator recognizes your voice.

You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you start eating Spam Lite.