It does have a Norweigian, a couple Negros, an Irishman, a Texan, an Italian juvenile, Harry Truman, and a Catholic. There are no racial slurs, no innuendos. What a great cast of characters.

It is rather lengthy...

Source of the story: I was in Aberdeen, South Dakota in the early 80's at the Riverside Motel. Great place. All of the band people, hookers, traveling salesmen, truckers, railroaders, and unsuspecting tourists stayed there. I was sitting outside of my room slopping up some alcohol so I might stand a chance of sleeping in this zoo. An old traveling salesman came out of his room and sat down next to me. We visited for awhile and he related this great story.

This is a story about Herb Swenson, a Norweigian nut and bolt salesman. Herb had sold nuts and bolts world wide. In the course of his many dealings he had one claim to fame. Herb knew everybody. It was just beyond belief the people Herb knew.

Shortly before Herb had decided to retire his wife passed away. Herb took it in stride but decided to move from his home in California to some place where he didn't know anyone. He looked at the map and finally found Sedalia, Missouri. He was shocked that he knew noone in Sedalia. The decision was made to move to Sedalia.

He made a leisurely drive from California and stopped in every town to renew old acquaintances. Finally he arrived in Sedalia and found a realtor. He got a house bought and settled in. Time hung heavy for Herb. He had to get out and meet some people. He walked Main Street and found a barber shop. What better place to strike up some acquaintances.

As luck would have it this very rich Texan had just moved to Sedalia and was not happy with the situation. He had moved at his daughters request. This was so she could keep an eye on him as he was getting a little older.

The day was May 8th and on TV was Harry Truman and his wife Beth. It was Harry's birthday. The Texan made some comment about Harry Truman. Herb, just to make some conversation, mentioned that he and Harry Truman were very good friends and had been for many, many years.

The Texan said, "Oh, Bullsh*t, you can't know Harry Truman." Herb reiterated his friendship with the past President. The Texan said, "I'll bet you $10,000.00 that if we fly up to Independence, Harry Truman wouldn't know you from a hole in the ground."

Herb, said, "I'll take that bet."

They went to the airport, boarded the Texans jet and flew to Independence. When they got out to Harry Trumans house Beth came running out saying, "My God, Herb Swenson, we haven't seen you in years. Come in, Harry will be so glad you are here." It was like old home week.

The Texan lost his bet and wasn't very happy about it.

Several weeks later, back at the barber shop, Herb and the Texan were watching TV. The big story was Martin Luther King in Selma, Alabama. The Texan made some derogatory comment about Martin. Of course, Herb had to say "Martin Luther King and I are very good friends. Have been for many, many years."

Once again the Texan said, "Oh, Bullsh*t, there is no way you can know Martin Luther King." Herb told him that it was the truth. The Texan bet him $25,000.00 that if they went there Martin Luther King wouldn't have a clue as to who he was. Herb took the bet.

Back to the airport, into the jet and on to Selma. They rented a car and were told the parade had already started. Herb knew how to get to the other side of the bridge. They got there just in time as Martin Luther King and Coretta Scott King came across leading their huge entourage. Coretta saw Herb first, then Martin saw him and they both started running towards Herb. They were so happy that Herb had came for this great event. The Texan lost his bet and was p*ssed.

Back in Sedalia awhile later at the barbershop. TV was on again and John Kennedy was on. The Texan says, sarcastically, "I suppose you know the President too." Herb says, "Yep, The President and I have been good friends for many, many years. Same response from the Texan..."Ah, Bullsh*T, I'll bet you $50,000.00 you can't even get close to the entrance to the White House, let alone get in." Herb, of course takes the bet.

Out to the airport, back on the jet, landing at Dulles, renting a car, driving to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. When they drive up the guard looks in the car and sees Herb. "My God, Herb Swenson, The President and First Lady will be so happy to see you. They are having a big dinner for foreign dignitaries, I will call and make sure they have a place for you and your friend at the table."

When they entered the room where the dinner was being held President Kennedy and Jacqueline saw Herb and went nuts. Herb was seated next to the President and the Texan was also given a chair next to somebody he didn't know. What a gala event.

It had been about a year since all this had started and Easter was coming up. Back at the barbershop they were watching TV and the newscaster was talking about the Pope's Easter morning address. The Texan figured he had Herb this time. He said, "I suppose you know the Pope too."

Herb, of course had to reply, "Yes I do, The Pope and I have been very, very good friends for many, many years." "Ah, Bullsh*t", said the Texan. He then bet Herb $500,000.00 that he couldn't even get near the Pope let alone know him. Herb took the bet.

Back to the airport and on to Vatican City. They rented a car and drove out to Vatican City. There must have been a million people waiting to hear the Pope on Easter morning. The Texan said, "There is no way we can get though this crowd." Herb said, "Oh, yes there is but you can't come along this time." The Texan wanted to know how he would know that he knew the Pope. Herb told him that when the Pope came out to give his address he would be standing beside him and would wave his arm in a wide arc so that he would know that it was indeed him with the Pope.

Herb took off through the crowd. Shortly thereafter the Pope emerged on the balcony with another individual that had his one arm draped over the Pope's shoulders. The other arm was waving in a wide arc.

The Texan was incensed. A little Italian boy was standing there watching the Texan throw his hat on the ground and jump up and down on it. The little kid said to the Texan, "Man, what is wrong, this is Easter morning?" The Texan was sweating, red in the face, and p*ssed.

He said to the little Italian boy, "Do you know who that is up there on the balcony?" The little kid squinted and looked off into the distance. He then told the Texan, "I don't know who the guy with the funny hat is, but the guy next to him is Herb Swenson!!!"

Good night and have a pleasant tomorow.

Mark