Maxine's Words of Wisdom

1. Maxine on "Driver Safety" - "I can't use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures."

2. Maxine on "Life" - "Life is like an oven. It burns my buns."

3. Maxine on "Housework" - "I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible."

4. Maxine on "Lawn Care" - "The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower. I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless."

5. Maxine on "Body Piercing" - "I'd get my nipple pierced, but I'd be afraid I'd trip over it."

6. Maxine on "the Perfect Man" - "All I'm looking for is a guy who'll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed."

7. Maxine on "Work" - "My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards."

8. Maxine on "the Technology Revolution" - "My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice."

9. Maxine on "Aging" - "Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita."