The Top 16 Signs Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You

16> Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden.

15> Unexplained calls to F. Lee Bailey's 900 number on your bill.

14> He actually *does* have your tongue.

13> You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.

12> Cyanide pawprints all over the house.

11> You wake up to find a bird's head in your bed.

10> As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a faint whiff of catnip.

9> Droppings in litter box spell out "REDRUM."

8> Catch him with a new mohawk looking in the mirror saying, "Mew looking at me? Mew looking at me?"

7> Takes attentive notes every time "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.

6> You find blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.

5> Has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper.

4> Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.

3> Ball of yarn playfully tied into a hangman's noose.

2> You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" which says: "LEEV AWL 2 KAT."

... and the Number 1 Sign Your Cat May Be Planning to Kill You ...

1> Now sharpens claws on your car's brake lines.

==Mike==