Dave,

You can get a credit for final value fee, but not listing fee. You have to go thru Ebay's long process to get it. Usually not worth all the BS unless it was a higher dollar item. Here is link to process.

http://pages.ebay.com/help/community/npb.html

Ebay wised up on the 2nd high bidder stuff but there are ways around it. As you mentioned, if the 2nd guy has an Email address for a user ID, use that to contact them, but do it thru your own Email, not Ebays.

Another thing I do on higher dollar items, is look at the bid history right before the auction ends. At that point it will show all bidders Email. After the auction closes, they all go away except for the high bidder. I make note of it just in case. Sometimes doesn't work if sniping is involved at the end.

Mark