Subject: Tech Support

Take heart, anyone among you who believes you are technologically challenged, you "ain't seen nothing yet". This is an excerpt from a Wall
Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was
hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the
plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and
water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and

washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He
told the technician that the computer had said it couldn't find the
printer. The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the

printer, but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged
in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power
button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing
happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in
and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked

what happened when she pressed the power button, she asked, "What power
button?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for
support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in
the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to
put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it
in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied to remove
Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I
am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a
trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have
any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has 4X on it." At this point, the
Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand
it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using
the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and
snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman
responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The girl sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and her
printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle
of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the
Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a P."
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: "P, on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"