David Letterman: "France wants more evidence [of Iraqi violations]. The last time France wanted more evidence, it rolled right through France with a German flag."

Dennis Miller: "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq."

Jay Leno: "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!"

Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Mo.: "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried."

Blunt again: "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was: 'Never shot. Dropped once.'"

And even an unwitting French President Jacques Chirac: "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."

"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in World War II? And that's because it was raining," said John Xereas,

"Everybody hates the French. Even the French hate the French," said political humorist Will Durst

And as far as the French not joining us in an attack on Iraq here is what Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said the other day: "Going to war without the French is like going deer hunting without your accordion."