I guess it's time for a fish story. I remember this like it was yesterday...

It was April the 41st. Being a quadruple leap year, I was driving in downtown Atlantis. My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray and it was overheating. So, I pulled into a Shell station. They said I'd blown a seal. I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my personal life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that I walked over to a place called The Oyster Bar. A real dive. But I knew the owner (he used to play for the Dolphins). I said, "Hi Gill!" (you have to yell, he's hard of herring). Gill was also down on his luck. Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water.

I bellied up to the sand bar. He poured me the usual -- rusty snail, hold the grunion, shaken, not stirred, with a peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side, heavy on the mako. I slipped him a fin, on porpoise. I was feeling good. I even slipped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids, for the halibut.

Well, the place was crowded -- we were packed in like sardines. They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal -- what sole! Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna -- "Salmon 'Chanted Evening". And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers, probably there to see the bass player. One of them was this cute little yellow-tail and she's givin' me the eye, so I figure this is my chance for a little fun. You know, a little pisces.

But she said things I just couldn't fathom; she was too deep. Seemed to be under a lot of pressure. Boy could she drink! She drank like a -- she drank a lot. I said, "What's your sign?"

She said, "Aquarian."

I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!"

I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait. I said, "Come on baby. It'll only take a few minnows." She threw me that same old line: "Not tonight. I got a haddock."

And she wasn't kidding, either, 'cause in came the biggest, meanest-looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike. He was covered with mussels. He came over to me and said, "Listen, shrimp. Don't you come trolling around here."

What a crab. This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes. I turned to him and said, "A-balone. You're just being shellfish." Well, I knew there was going to be trouble and so did Gill 'cause he was already on the phone to the cods.

The haddock hits me with a sucker punch. I catch him with a left hook. He eels over. It was a fluke, but there he was, lying on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless.

I said, "Forget the cods, Gill, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon." Well, the yellow-tail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend. She came over to me and said, "Hey big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"

I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on we had a whale of a time. I took her out to dinner. I took her to dance. I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her. And what did I get for my troubles? A case of the clams.